Greetings - Just in case some of you have this old link - I am now blogging at http://blog.yourownbestgood.com
I'll see you at the Negotiating Table
Bruce The Negotiator
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Negotiation and Personal Relationships
Greetings Again!
No one provides me as much opportunity to negotiate as my wife does. If you are in an intimate relationship and it's lasted longer than a weekend then you have experienced the duel of wills that occurs between two people that function like two people but think they exist as one.
The construct of "Negotiate to Your Own Best Good" requires the practitioner to consider the long and short term impact of their marvelous skills in any given context. I know in most situations I could probably out-negotiate my wife and there have certainly been situations where I did just that. I don't do it often, I try not to do it at all. With a significant other, it's best if your negotiation really is a capital "Y" in the word "Your" as opposed to a little "y" which really just is you.
I would like to contrast "Your" vs "your". First of all if you wish to negotiate more than once with people - or think you might, resist the urge to "beat" someone in a negotiation. The best negotiation is when the other person isn't really aware they are negotiation AND they are doing most of your work for you in the face of your magnificent resourceful questions and other fine tactics.
That reminds me of this joke: "There are these two bulls standing at the top of this hill looking down into a valley full of cows. The young bull says..." if you've not heard the joke - it's a great moral about scaring away your resources.
In short, if you don't highlight the capital "Y" in Your then there is a good chance your negotiating compliment might not ask you back for round two.
It's late so I will negotiate into the world of dreams now.
Bruce
The Negotiator
http://negotiate2yourownbestgood.com
No one provides me as much opportunity to negotiate as my wife does. If you are in an intimate relationship and it's lasted longer than a weekend then you have experienced the duel of wills that occurs between two people that function like two people but think they exist as one.
The construct of "Negotiate to Your Own Best Good" requires the practitioner to consider the long and short term impact of their marvelous skills in any given context. I know in most situations I could probably out-negotiate my wife and there have certainly been situations where I did just that. I don't do it often, I try not to do it at all. With a significant other, it's best if your negotiation really is a capital "Y" in the word "Your" as opposed to a little "y" which really just is you.
I would like to contrast "Your" vs "your". First of all if you wish to negotiate more than once with people - or think you might, resist the urge to "beat" someone in a negotiation. The best negotiation is when the other person isn't really aware they are negotiation AND they are doing most of your work for you in the face of your magnificent resourceful questions and other fine tactics.
That reminds me of this joke: "There are these two bulls standing at the top of this hill looking down into a valley full of cows. The young bull says..." if you've not heard the joke - it's a great moral about scaring away your resources.
In short, if you don't highlight the capital "Y" in Your then there is a good chance your negotiating compliment might not ask you back for round two.
It's late so I will negotiate into the world of dreams now.
Bruce
The Negotiator
http://negotiate2yourownbestgood.com
Monday, March 19, 2007
Is it Vay-gun or Vee-ghin?
Hello and How are your Negotiations coming along?
Where does a negotiation start? Each starts inside of you. For example - lets assume for sample-context sake that you are hungry. Negotiations almost always begin (as does any tangible object) as a question or questions. "Am I hungry?" (Isn't it interesting when we crave or need something we still oblige ourselves to ask such questions anyway [probably where sarcasm was born]). "What am I hungry for?" "Do I have the time, energy, inclination to get 'that'?" "What else might I be interested in eating?" Conscious or unconscious we have such internal dialogues running through our heads most of the day. When we find ourselves at McDonalds and we ask the pathetic question "Why did I come here?" or "What am I doing here agian?" - the answer is the litany of questions that you asked up to that point THATS HOW! From the time you ask yourself "Am I hungry?" to the moment you sink your teeth into that Quadruple Meat with Mega Cheese Tripple Bypass McCholestoral burger you were in a near constant negotiation. At this point some of you might think "What the hell is he talking about?".
I'm talking about the non-verbal communication that occurs inside your body, from your cellular (blood cells not your phone)neediness to your psychological dependency ("I could quit eating these if I really wanted to.") there is a sea of negotiations going on that are mostly in the form of questions. This means that when you look for a model of excellence in the world of Negotiations, you need look no further than your own self - within you is a near constant hurricane of negotations occurring.
The awakening to your already natural state of negotiations is to give "voice" to all those questions and to learn how simple and complex negotiations can be. The advantage you have is that almost no one understands how to transform their "natural questions" into human-speak questions. You "FEEL" what you want and how you want to get it, or you "SEE" it but you've not been adequately trained to claim it verbally, say it, speak it, find your voice!
Tomorrow will be my 7th day of experiencing a Vegan lifestyle. I'm not perfect of course (I'm a true newbie that HAS to figure it all out himself), but I'm learning and NEGOTIATING to my own best Vegan good as fast as possible.
Here is a secret for you - when you begin to negotiate consciously, on purpose - you will in a very short time begin to access new resources. When you do, you will suddenly begin to consider new possibilities, understand your present experience with broader depth, see through new and more powerful (resourceful) eyes. When your mind completely absorbs that all forms of communication are a negotiation, then you will be summoning relationships, resources and experiences to you exponentially more fulfilling and true to who and what you are than you ever have before.
Negotiating to Your Own Best Good,
Bruce
The Negotiator
www.negotiate2yourownbestgood.com
Where does a negotiation start? Each starts inside of you. For example - lets assume for sample-context sake that you are hungry. Negotiations almost always begin (as does any tangible object) as a question or questions. "Am I hungry?" (Isn't it interesting when we crave or need something we still oblige ourselves to ask such questions anyway [probably where sarcasm was born]). "What am I hungry for?" "Do I have the time, energy, inclination to get 'that'?" "What else might I be interested in eating?" Conscious or unconscious we have such internal dialogues running through our heads most of the day. When we find ourselves at McDonalds and we ask the pathetic question "Why did I come here?" or "What am I doing here agian?" - the answer is the litany of questions that you asked up to that point THATS HOW! From the time you ask yourself "Am I hungry?" to the moment you sink your teeth into that Quadruple Meat with Mega Cheese Tripple Bypass McCholestoral burger you were in a near constant negotiation. At this point some of you might think "What the hell is he talking about?".
I'm talking about the non-verbal communication that occurs inside your body, from your cellular (blood cells not your phone)neediness to your psychological dependency ("I could quit eating these if I really wanted to.") there is a sea of negotiations going on that are mostly in the form of questions. This means that when you look for a model of excellence in the world of Negotiations, you need look no further than your own self - within you is a near constant hurricane of negotations occurring.
The awakening to your already natural state of negotiations is to give "voice" to all those questions and to learn how simple and complex negotiations can be. The advantage you have is that almost no one understands how to transform their "natural questions" into human-speak questions. You "FEEL" what you want and how you want to get it, or you "SEE" it but you've not been adequately trained to claim it verbally, say it, speak it, find your voice!
Tomorrow will be my 7th day of experiencing a Vegan lifestyle. I'm not perfect of course (I'm a true newbie that HAS to figure it all out himself), but I'm learning and NEGOTIATING to my own best Vegan good as fast as possible.
Here is a secret for you - when you begin to negotiate consciously, on purpose - you will in a very short time begin to access new resources. When you do, you will suddenly begin to consider new possibilities, understand your present experience with broader depth, see through new and more powerful (resourceful) eyes. When your mind completely absorbs that all forms of communication are a negotiation, then you will be summoning relationships, resources and experiences to you exponentially more fulfilling and true to who and what you are than you ever have before.
Negotiating to Your Own Best Good,
Bruce
The Negotiator
www.negotiate2yourownbestgood.com
Sunday, March 18, 2007
William Shatner in Priceline
William Shatner certainly uses a diffrent technique than I do (notice the stun gun)to close his Negotiating Complements. See if you can tell who asked the resourceful question in the clip?
New Website
During my local Master Mind meeting Friday night I was inspired to set up a new website that says "Negotiate" stronger than www.yourownbestgood.com. It's just got a flash intro at the moment but I suspect this is where I will actually market my audio products. www.negotiate2yourownbestgood.com. So you will all soon have a place to become members of The Negotiate to Your Own Best Good Mentoring Program. Stay tuned!
Bruce
The Negotiator
Bruce
The Negotiator
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Interview with Nancy
Yesterday afternoon I had the good fortune of being interviewed by Nancy Wagner, author of http://www.createyourownrealitynow.com. She recorded the interview which I hope to use soundbites from for my website www.yourownbestgood.com. Her interview style is wonderful and I'm considering using her for my future audio products. Nancy is one of the founding members of my Master Mind group. I encourage anyone in the internet marketing world to give Nancy a chance to demonstrate her professional excellence.
Friday, February 23, 2007
ABN
In the movie Boiler Room http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181984/ (and others like it) one of their mottos was "Always Be Closing". Most aggressive salespeople learn this one too - so if you've done any hardcore sales you don't have to see the movie (I thought it was a pretty good).
In Negotiating to Your Own Best Good - I have an ABN and I bet you can guess what that is! That's right, Always be Negotiating. At some point in your training and life experience you realize that this isn't a tool you need to take out and dust off once in a while - but a way of translating what's going on in your moment to moment life.
Recently a client of mine had a situation where a friend was offered an opportunity to get one of her photos published in one of the major magazines (ie Time, Newsweek, U.S. News, etc). The client was in the photo and wished to use it for an interview. The photographer "friend" responded back with a "demand" - she wanted to be "compensated" for the photo. The client discussed her dismay and disappointment. The client had other photos but preferred the one the "friend" had.
After telling me the story - the client ask me what I thought. In Negotiating to Your Own Best Good you MUST know what you want. So I started there "What is it you'd like to happen in this situation?" She said "I'd like to be able to use the photo without complicating a 3 party situation with discussions of Money." I asked "How did the photographer's counter-offer make you feel?" She explained those feelings - suprise, disappointment and a sense of loss. "Loss in what?" I asked. "Loss in appreciation for the friend, loss of interest in the business connection with the friend." she responded.
***Pay Attention to this Part***
The error that we make when we negotiate conscious or unconsciously is that we hide our feelings from the person of whom we are conducting the negotiations.
The CORRECTION of that error is to consider your negotiation-compliment's (the person you are negotiating with)position from their point of view the best that you can. And of course you do this through asking resourceful questions. "Does the photographer know what effect she's had with her counter-offer?" "Does she realize that the 'feelings' that she inspired from her counter-offer might effect any future business (like sorry - we're not interested)?" "Can the photographer truly afford to loose the business of my client on a long term basis?"
Here is a paraphrase of the email that went to the Photographer:
"We are a little surprised by your response. I'm sure you have better offers (than to be published in a major magazine). I will be informing [insert name of magazine here] that your photo will not be available as a choice for the article they are publishing tomorrow morning."
And the rest of the email was a "thank you and gratitude for doing business with you" type thing.
Here is the forumula of the email 1)Reveal your emotions - "We are a little surprised by your response" in this instance the emotion-reveal was very understated - nonetheless included as a starting point for the negotiation. 2)Frame her "false position" as is represented by her "counter-offer" "I'm sure you have better offers." - You are almost certain this is not true but her offer gives that impression - so put her in the box she forged with her counter-offer (make her FEEL the weight of "demand"). 3)Leave a you-control-the-terms window to "re-negotiate" open. "I will be informing said magazine that your photo will not be available as a choice for the article they are publishing TOMORROW MORNING." She still has time to take the information you've given her and change her position.
That's it. My client wanted to add other stuff in the email to soften the blow but I advised against it. If people were encouraged to feel the weight of their choices, then often times they would not just consider themselves in a negotiation - be it in our professional lives or our personal lives.
In Negotiating to Your Own Best Good - I have an ABN and I bet you can guess what that is! That's right, Always be Negotiating. At some point in your training and life experience you realize that this isn't a tool you need to take out and dust off once in a while - but a way of translating what's going on in your moment to moment life.
Recently a client of mine had a situation where a friend was offered an opportunity to get one of her photos published in one of the major magazines (ie Time, Newsweek, U.S. News, etc). The client was in the photo and wished to use it for an interview. The photographer "friend" responded back with a "demand" - she wanted to be "compensated" for the photo. The client discussed her dismay and disappointment. The client had other photos but preferred the one the "friend" had.
After telling me the story - the client ask me what I thought. In Negotiating to Your Own Best Good you MUST know what you want. So I started there "What is it you'd like to happen in this situation?" She said "I'd like to be able to use the photo without complicating a 3 party situation with discussions of Money." I asked "How did the photographer's counter-offer make you feel?" She explained those feelings - suprise, disappointment and a sense of loss. "Loss in what?" I asked. "Loss in appreciation for the friend, loss of interest in the business connection with the friend." she responded.
***Pay Attention to this Part***
The error that we make when we negotiate conscious or unconsciously is that we hide our feelings from the person of whom we are conducting the negotiations.
The CORRECTION of that error is to consider your negotiation-compliment's (the person you are negotiating with)position from their point of view the best that you can. And of course you do this through asking resourceful questions. "Does the photographer know what effect she's had with her counter-offer?" "Does she realize that the 'feelings' that she inspired from her counter-offer might effect any future business (like sorry - we're not interested)?" "Can the photographer truly afford to loose the business of my client on a long term basis?"
Here is a paraphrase of the email that went to the Photographer:
"We are a little surprised by your response. I'm sure you have better offers (than to be published in a major magazine). I will be informing [insert name of magazine here] that your photo will not be available as a choice for the article they are publishing tomorrow morning."
And the rest of the email was a "thank you and gratitude for doing business with you" type thing.
Here is the forumula of the email 1)Reveal your emotions - "We are a little surprised by your response" in this instance the emotion-reveal was very understated - nonetheless included as a starting point for the negotiation. 2)Frame her "false position" as is represented by her "counter-offer" "I'm sure you have better offers." - You are almost certain this is not true but her offer gives that impression - so put her in the box she forged with her counter-offer (make her FEEL the weight of "demand"). 3)Leave a you-control-the-terms window to "re-negotiate" open. "I will be informing said magazine that your photo will not be available as a choice for the article they are publishing TOMORROW MORNING." She still has time to take the information you've given her and change her position.
That's it. My client wanted to add other stuff in the email to soften the blow but I advised against it. If people were encouraged to feel the weight of their choices, then often times they would not just consider themselves in a negotiation - be it in our professional lives or our personal lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)