In the movie Boiler Room http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181984/ (and others like it) one of their mottos was "Always Be Closing". Most aggressive salespeople learn this one too - so if you've done any hardcore sales you don't have to see the movie (I thought it was a pretty good).
In Negotiating to Your Own Best Good - I have an ABN and I bet you can guess what that is! That's right, Always be Negotiating. At some point in your training and life experience you realize that this isn't a tool you need to take out and dust off once in a while - but a way of translating what's going on in your moment to moment life.
Recently a client of mine had a situation where a friend was offered an opportunity to get one of her photos published in one of the major magazines (ie Time, Newsweek, U.S. News, etc). The client was in the photo and wished to use it for an interview. The photographer "friend" responded back with a "demand" - she wanted to be "compensated" for the photo. The client discussed her dismay and disappointment. The client had other photos but preferred the one the "friend" had.
After telling me the story - the client ask me what I thought. In Negotiating to Your Own Best Good you MUST know what you want. So I started there "What is it you'd like to happen in this situation?" She said "I'd like to be able to use the photo without complicating a 3 party situation with discussions of Money." I asked "How did the photographer's counter-offer make you feel?" She explained those feelings - suprise, disappointment and a sense of loss. "Loss in what?" I asked. "Loss in appreciation for the friend, loss of interest in the business connection with the friend." she responded.
***Pay Attention to this Part***
The error that we make when we negotiate conscious or unconsciously is that we hide our feelings from the person of whom we are conducting the negotiations.
The CORRECTION of that error is to consider your negotiation-compliment's (the person you are negotiating with)position from their point of view the best that you can. And of course you do this through asking resourceful questions. "Does the photographer know what effect she's had with her counter-offer?" "Does she realize that the 'feelings' that she inspired from her counter-offer might effect any future business (like sorry - we're not interested)?" "Can the photographer truly afford to loose the business of my client on a long term basis?"
Here is a paraphrase of the email that went to the Photographer:
"We are a little surprised by your response. I'm sure you have better offers (than to be published in a major magazine). I will be informing [insert name of magazine here] that your photo will not be available as a choice for the article they are publishing tomorrow morning."
And the rest of the email was a "thank you and gratitude for doing business with you" type thing.
Here is the forumula of the email 1)Reveal your emotions - "We are a little surprised by your response" in this instance the emotion-reveal was very understated - nonetheless included as a starting point for the negotiation. 2)Frame her "false position" as is represented by her "counter-offer" "I'm sure you have better offers." - You are almost certain this is not true but her offer gives that impression - so put her in the box she forged with her counter-offer (make her FEEL the weight of "demand"). 3)Leave a you-control-the-terms window to "re-negotiate" open. "I will be informing said magazine that your photo will not be available as a choice for the article they are publishing TOMORROW MORNING." She still has time to take the information you've given her and change her position.
That's it. My client wanted to add other stuff in the email to soften the blow but I advised against it. If people were encouraged to feel the weight of their choices, then often times they would not just consider themselves in a negotiation - be it in our professional lives or our personal lives.
